Reflections

Over the past few weeks I have went from being scared to death to have surgery again to a person trying to heal completely. This has truly been hard on me, Tim, & the boys. First of all I am feeling much better. Hopefully soon the cramping will stop which is quite painful at times. The worst part has been my emotions. I don't think that I grasped just how hard this was going to be. After seeing a picture of the fibroid tumor attached to my little uterus I understand why it needed to be done. The hard part is the finality that I will never carry a child in my womb. There seems to be a huge difference in knowing that you can't conceive but still hoping and coming to terms that the chance of conception is impossible. You may say to yourself, well she has 2 boys, what more does she want? What I want is for that switch to be turned off that gives the yearning desire to conceive a baby! We could be like Brad and Angelina and adopt tons of children, but that desire would still be there. Now don't get me wrong it has gotten much quieter, but after my hysterectomy it seemed to be a bit louder. More than likely it was the hormones talking along with the pain meds, but it has made me feel crazy. Tim was worried that I was never going to snap out of it. I still have my moments but am much much better. Basically I am almost back to being Kelli: Christian, wife, mommy, daughter, sister, friend, etc... The great thing about Tim and myself is that we had always wanted to adopt. This has been hard, but the Lord has blessed us beyond measure with not 1 but 2 sons. Who knows He may even bless us with more children in the future!! It seems that most of us as children dream of our future finding Mr. Right and then having a family, house, white picket fence, you know what I mean. Well thank God it doesn't work out that way for everyone. The bumps in the road are what make life LIFE!!! These bumps make us stronger and help to mold us into who we are. What all this boils down to is that I am trying to get over my bump. The most awesome verse is Philippians 4:13 "I can do ALL things through Christ who gives me strength." I hope to be back to regular blogging very soon and I know that you are all dying to see pix of Kaleb and Kamden. I am just taking it easy, well trying to take it easy, and I know that very soon this will be a thing of the past. Thanks so much for all your prayers and kind words. They mean so very much!! God Bless each of you and have an awesome weekend!!